This Unholy Mess

If the Ten Commandments don’t really do it for you but you can’t quite stomach Dr. Phil either, then why not dip your mental big toe into This Unholy Mess? I can sound as authoritative as Oprah, as enthusiastic as Joel Osteen, and as esoteric as Ron Hubbard—and I can do it all without the terrible burden of wealth and notoriety that might risk infusing my writing with a bit of legitimacy. Much of what you will find on the blog is political, if only because I am a fan of tragi-comedy; but there are plenty of offensive religious and social topics to disturb just about anyone with a reasonably closed mind, a slight chip on his shoulder, and a desire to confront people belligerently from the safety of a computer keyboard. Enjoy!


If our “president” has taught us anything—other than the value of a good, firm-hold hairspray—it is the importance of using shocking statements to seize and control “the narrative.” It’s not just about grabbing headlines and dominating the news cycle. It goes beyond crafting the charmingly fanciful “facts” that he wants his angry, irrational Army of the Undead to swallow. It’s also about creating a new mood for a New America. An America that’s brash and bold and spoiling for a fight, an America that doesn’t want some choir boy for a leader. An America that’s pugnacious enough to toss aside useless junk like Constitutional norms and traditions—or even ethics--in order to get things done. Who wouldn’t love a nation that isn’t squeamish about dissing intelligence and truth, a society that has the guts to stand up for what somebody on the internet told them was right? In this country, an excellent historical example of narrative control and the belligerent attitude required to keep it alive is the spectacularly successful, sustained lie the South has foisted on the rest of us, using incessant blather about “states’ rights” and “our Southern heritage” to justify their violent, treasonous behavior carried out in defense of slavery. Brilliantly executed for 150 years, it includes the erection of thousands of memorials to various traitors and features an especially effective effort to control the contents of just about every American History textbook published before 1985. Kudos! Once I realized how useful “controlling the narrative” has been on a larger stage, I thought: Why not here in Napa? So I put together The Plan. Step One: I urgently need you to understand that you can never trust the press. Aside from what I write in this space from time to time, all you’re going to get is “fake news.” You can’t trust any so-called “main stream” media outlets, and certainly not anyone at the Napa Register. Not Sleazy Sean, not Crazy Kevin—none of them. They are the Enemy of the People. I’m the only one who will tell you the truth. And that truth is: I’m the only person smart enough to solve Napa’s problems. The fact that a full platoon of my lawyers will threaten you if you try to verify my blinding intelligence by accessing my...   Read more

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