Inside the Flavor League
CARRYING ON THE FIGHT FOR JUSTICE …AND DECENT DRINKS!
Someone is out there working overtime to keep you safe from the worst drinks ever devised, worse even than a kale martini or a Chlamydia on the Beach.
It’s the Flavor League. of course: that hearty band of connoisseurs, nerds, and adult delinquents who, armed with nothing but their wits and some notably unorthodox pharmaceuticals, safeguard the quality of the lubricants you rely on daily to cope with the cruelest first-world problems.
Two shining stars of League history, Brewster Hotte and Margot Sipski, are out to bring justice to hucksters, flavor chemists, and alcohol evil-doers of every stripe. Their story–of love, family, betrayal, and cheap vodka–gives new meaning to the word “courage”. Also to the words “weird” and “obsessive”. A story for the ages – served with a twist!
“A conspiratorial, character-driven, and fantastically creative tale of high-end liquor and outlandish melodrama.”Kirkus Reviews
T-Bull and the Lost Men
A FUNHOUSE MIRROR OF A BOOK!
Have you heard the one about the lesbian pixie called Tinker Bull, who takes on a shipload of Roman Catholic pirates without the help of her old friend Peter Plan, who has become an investment banker? Or the one about the Crocodazzi, an insatiable investigative journalist with a taste not just for interviews, but for interviewees, too – possibly because he also happens to be a crocodile? The punch lines are in the story called T-Bull and the Lost Man, a funhouse mirror masquerading as a book.
Of course it’s more than just punch lines: there’s its educational slant too! Like discovering how certain pirates can be natural capitalists, and how organic pixie dust is made. Best of all, you learn how Tinker Bull’s gusty, restless temperament strikes a spark in some of her companions, leading them to break out of their stifling routines, risking their grim, tepid comforts for the barest chance of realizing their hearts’ desires.
The New Revised Catechlysm
The New Revised Catechlysm, like the Baltimore Catechism before it, is all about the vital task of caring for your immortal soul. Whether you were born with one, downloaded one from SoulDepot.com, or picked up a used one on Ebay, this transparent, gelatinous organ located above the hip joint on your right side is of paramount importance in every truly successful human life.
So once you’ve got a soul—what next? How to train it? What to feed it? When to keep it heavily sedated and when to chain it up like a junkyard dog? This is where The New Revised Catechylsm provides solid information, in much the same way that its predecessor has always provided so many thrills and unexpected panic attacks for generations of young and old alike. The answers are all here.
Want to know why God made you, so you have a snappy comeback when family members question your value as a human being? We’ve got you covered. Want to know why the Holy Ghost appears so often as a dove, and is never very happy about it? Check. How about getting the inside story on how all those New Testament clothes draped so beautifully on Jesus and his peers? Well, okay, we’d like to know that secret, too, and we’re working on it.
We unconditionally guarantee your physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and psychic satisfaction with this book. (We can also guarantee the eternal salvation of your immortal soul,
if you wish. Please contact us for pricing.) Write to us at:New Revised Catechlysm, Ascetic Village Manor Estates, Rancho Salmonello, CA 96666 If for any reason you are not 100% satisfied with the New Revised Catechlysm, we will immediately be impressed by your discriminating taste, and powerfully devoted to you for your willingness to give us money for such a shameless piece of garbage.
"We Put the Blast in Blastphemy!"
“…a brave new source for authoritative doctrinal piffle.”
– Roman Collier
Author, The 30-Minute Priest
“…can practically hear the limits of the First Amendment creaking. It’s right up there with parking lot tailgate parties as a celebration of tasteless freedom.”
– A Saint Louis Cardinal
“Some would call it a smackdown between Larry Flynt and Thomas Aquinas, but they would be wrong—and apparently guilty of several mortal sins, too.”
– Self-Mortification for Dummies
“Stands like a Colossus, astride the tawdry little world of cheap parody.”
– Liberation Theology Cruise Lines
“If you file a restraining order against just one book this year, this should be it!”
– Paralegal Sinners Book Club
“…truly haunting. This book will stay on your mind long after you’ve flushed the toilet.”
– Sainthood on $10 a Day