This Unholy Mess


Evangelicals Out of the Closet–at Last!

How great is it to live in a country like ours, hah? A place where people are increasingly free to express their true natures without fear of censure or retribution. A place where, just a few years ago, so many were forced to live in fear, closeting their authentic selves to avoid being social outcasts, but who now, in today’s more accepting and open society, can be who they always were inside.
I am referring of course to America’s evangelicals, in the Trump era. These poor souls, who for so long were forced by rigid societal norms to act like decent, ethical people, shouting “Alleluia!” and “Praise the Lord!” at church services, when in reality they were longing to pick up a tiki torch and cry out, “Blood and Soil!” and “Lock her Up!” It is only now, at last, that they are able to joyfully and openly express their trans-moral natures, and live in the bright sunlight of truth. They have been liberated from the façade, the pretense of decency and uprightness that had historically been such a source of distressing hypocrisy for them.
Though some trans-moralists will tell you that their coming out of the closet and expressing support for our “president” is related only to their fervent desire to mandate what each and every American woman does with her body, we would be remiss in not pointing out all the other benefits that they now enjoy as members of America’s trans-moral community. Having freed themselves through Trump’s decency-fluid views, they can applaud the separation of asylum-seeking parents from their small children (as long as they are people of color, of course), and the incarceration of those children in the most wretched conditions. They can cheer for courageous American white supremacists, who have also seen a recent surge in public acceptance. The can thrill to the utterly blind and self-destructive government policies that resolutely pander to fossil fuel interests, ignoring the climate crisis. They can rejoice in the desolation of the Palestinian people as parts of the West Bank are deemed eligible for annexation by Israel. What a bonanza.
Admittedly, It is possible that part of their enthusiasm for the “president” rests in the fact that he seems to be speaking in tongues most of the time, but there is no doubt that trans-moralists understand on some level that the worship of their god and his prophet—the one with the bad comb-over—is not a buffet-style proposition, any more than are the Ten Commandments. You’re drinking the Diet-Coke or you’re not.
In any case, most trans-morals are giddy enough with their new-found freedom that they would never presume to question any policy of the current “president.” No, it is safe to assume that the gratitude they feel towards him for freeing up their worst, long-repressed impulses will overcome any neglected, shrunken, dust-bunny scruples they might have left lying around.
The evangelical view of the “president” is perhaps best summed up by an actual mega-bumper sticker message covering the entire rear panel of an SUV spotted in a select location right here in California. (Before proceeding, I must attach the usual disclaimer: The following statements do not reflect the views of this writer, nor those of the Napa Valley Register, nor of any healthy mammal with a brain-to-body ratio higher than that of a magpie. They are solely those of people afflicted with the deepest, most tragic combinations of gullibility and madness.)
The man who left his great life to be defamed, mocked, ridiculed and humiliated
to serve and protect America.
Donald is mine Chosen divine
Stand with him before man
And I will stand with you before my Father in heaven.
I am comforted by the fact that the words “crime” and “slime” are both decent rhymes for “mine” and “divine.”
The only question that remains to be answered regarding the trans-moral community is: Should the rest of us be obliged to use the same public restrooms they use? That’s a tough one. I suppose we could get used to it over time, but for me it will always be more than a little nauseating.

2 Replies to “Evangelicals Out of the Closet–at Last!”

  1. Gary Reid says:

    Fabulous rant!

    1. Paul says:

      Gary Reid? THE Gary Reid? Not so long ago a resident of the famous Manzanita Park, aka, the Trailers??

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