This Unholy Mess

Hi Joe—
It’s the Lord Almighty, here. I thought I would reach out, since I heard you mention my name the other night at that debate, asking to hear from me. I figured sooner than later was the way to go.
I want to be delicate about all this, of course, because you’ve been basically a good guy, and more likely than most to get past that whole system of pearl-studded velvet ropes and stanchions that Saint Peter is so obsessive about. You’re certainly a shoo-in compared to that other guy, who seems to have made it a personal challenge to shred every single one of the Ten Commandments as often as possible, not to mention the laws of your country. Some have been calling him the Anti-Christ, which my Kid, who ought to know, says is pretty close to the mark.
For a long time, your nation has been trumpeting the saying, “In Me You Trust,” but right now it sure doesn’t look that way. It’s the hypocrisy that is the worst of it, I think, the vast majority of it coming from the other guy’s camp. Watching that guy wave the Bible around is tough to take, knowing he can’t seem to resist vicious rapid-fire lying any more than cheap tricks with porn stars and Playboy bunnies. I have often had to restrain myself from launching some scoundrel-seeking lightning bolts in his direction.
And all his “Christian” followers, so willing to talk about my Kid as their savior, but just as willing to fire off death threats to public officials whose opinions they don’t like. It’s enough to make me want to fold the hand, like I did back in the days of Noah’s flood, and see if I can’t get a better, more beautiful and peaceful earth by careful cultivation of new generations of cockroaches. Or maybe banana slugs.
But Joe, just because that other guy is a monstrous hypocritical liar and a huge danger to your country doesn’t mean you are necessarily the one to bring him down. And this is where the rubber meets the road for you now. It’s about how to keep a clear eye about your physical and mental capacities, about what you can and cannot do, and how to avoid the devil of denial. It’s about dealing with the Messiah Complex. I feel pretty qualified to talk about messiahs, since my Kid actually wrote the book on the subject—or, okay, some other guys wrote the book about Him, but still. I know messiah-hood when I see it.
The other guy already thinks he’s God, so there’s no help for that kind of crude self-idolatry, but there is hope for you. You do not have to see yourself as irreplaceable and chosen by me to lead the charge. You do not have to put up a stubborn, blind defense of your candidacy when everything about that debate on June 27 told viewers that you are 81 years old, that you are reduced in physical stamina and mental acuity. It was obvious to anyone watching. To paraphrase my Kid: “For those who have eyes, let them see.”
Denial does not become you, Joe. And the more you and your team try to brazen this out, the worse it will be. It is possible for you to admit that you are not the Chosen One, that the principles you stand for in America are uplifting, powerful, and compelling enough to win the day even if the standard is carried by someone else, someone with the youth and vitality you no longer have. It is not a crime to be older, and certainly not when you have served the country so well over so long a period. You have earned your plaudits, and now it’s time to move on.
You asked me to tell you what I thought, so I have done just that. You can do this, Joe.